Ice Queen

This is my cave of ice.
It is safe like a fortress.
Here, in the ice, I dipped my scalding flaming heart.
Here, in the ice my emotional inflammation soothed
and my love numbed.
Here, in the ice, I put out some of the fire in my soul.

My color used to be burnt orange like the heat of a cinder.
What color am I now? Am I finally yellow like I wished?
A bright joyful color, but a weak flame, dimly lighting the room?

I am not the bright, hot-headed girl I was.
I am not the eternal flame that couldn't go out.
Some of that flame finally burned all there was to burn.

I am calmer. I believe I am happier. I know I am older.

Maybe I am not me anymore, now that I don't react with an instant fiery passion
But instead present my ice-encrusted self to speak on my behalf.

The girl I was is in an ice block and the ice block is in this woman's chest.
Whoever she is.

The Heavens, the Weather

I'm just another victim of seasonal depression
spirits sailing on the spring breeze brushing through my bedroom windows,
lying in my underwear on the floor, feeling the air on my skin for the first time in months.
Renewed optimism revives me as I perk up the same way my plants have:
drooping leaves spreading to the sun, soaking in the healing rays.

Is it just the weather that has lifted my spirits?
Or is it that the ebb and flow of life is in my favor?

Living in a sunny attic on a quiet street,
spending my days playing with little ones,
dancing, rehearsing, writing, reading, creating.
The stars have aligned in my favor for the moment.

How can I hold onto the heavens and the weather?
Lock this euphoria in a jar and refuse to let it out?
Trap my contentment?

Or must I move to sunny California, or dusty Arizona, and never let my branches wilt in the winter's cold.
Or must I hold onto my successes somehow and keep pushing my life safely forward?

Memories of misery terrify me.
Let's lasso the sun and stop the time from turning.
I am unusually happy.
I am nerve-wrackingly pleased.`

Summer in March

Today I began my day with a cup of coffee on the porch beside Cat and Plants.

1 ballet class and 2 jobs later I ended it in the same place with a glass of wine beside Cat and Plants. 

Life is what I want it to be.